There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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