i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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