Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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