none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
