I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
A+ Viking dick
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
