i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
