were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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