the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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