dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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