God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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