is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
