that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
