Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
