I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'm always down for nudity.
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