How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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