hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize