Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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