the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
