Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
