I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
