After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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