half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
