I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Randomize
