That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
