I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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