I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
