sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
