I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
