everyone is single if you try hard enough
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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