Christians are straight up FREAKS
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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