I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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