that's an acceptable place to lick
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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