Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
