Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
