i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
