My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
