SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
