1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
