He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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