i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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