are you so shy because you have an std?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance