turn off your phone and go to bed
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Wipe that smile off your face.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....