and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
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YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!