So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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