i was born a porn star she said
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.