I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.