oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
