She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
