In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
