Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
