I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
