This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
