She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
