and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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