garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
