i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
