TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
