all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize