I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
