I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
