She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
