how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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