So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
