that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
