She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
are you so shy because you have an std?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
