I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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