I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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