One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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