Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
