She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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