Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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